Til Death Do Us Part or Not

In my tribe, today, Saturday, is share your passion, Saturday .

Im passionate about a lot of things, this being one of them.

You see Im passionate about Being Happy, taking care of ourselves, loving ourselves and doing the best we can.

Im having this discussion with a friend. They’re going through divorce and they’re heartbroken, as we are when any relationship breaks up, certainly marriage. Its devastating.

There’s much more to their story, however Im not going to share that.

I love my friend passionately, they’re a ‘bestie’… however we differ on this one subject and I’d love to hear your opinions.

My friend believes Marriage is for Life, at all costs.

I’m not talking about Abuse or anything like that.

They believe that you work at your marriage, you stick at it, whatever, to keep your family together.

My parents divorced when we’d all left home . I was the youngest, I was 21 when it all fell apart. However, i’d been thinking for years ‘I don’t know why they stay together’ as the house wasn’t always a happy home. There were lots of arguments and it was kind of obvious for some time that their marriage wasn’t working. They were Very different.

I met my gorgeous man. There were red flags from early on, we had different ideas about money (Do you know HOW many relationships break down because of money? HUGE)… however he was gorgeous, handsome and he made me laugh (so important). However as time progressed our relationship became more and more like a rollercoaster. Just like my parents really.

Fast forward, we had two gorgeous children, a girl and a boy, rekindled our relationship after our second child was born and decided to take the plunge. We had been engaged for about 9 years. Sadly after the ‘honeymoon period’ all our previous problems resurfaced and our marriage ended after about 3 years.

We tried to make it work. Sought counselling etc. However, some things happened which for me were breaking points. Sadly we coudn’t make it work.

After going through my parents divorce and my own. My belief is Yes you fight for your marriage, but at the end of the day, if you can’t be happy together, then you BOTH deserve to be happy apart. Plus I don’t agree with putting children through warring parents or even a relationship that is obvious to the kids, isn’t working. Believe me, kids know. I knew with my parent marriage from an early age, that ALL was not hunky dorey.

My friend disagrees ‘Til Death do us Part’… they say. We didn’t even have that in our ceremony. I’m not old school and whilst I did go into marriage WANTING, it to last. It didn’t.

Sadly, more marriage break down than work and I will also say I know few marriages that are genuinely happy, most are staying together for convenience. Not something I could do. Each to their own of course. However I believe in being happy.

One school of thought is ‘You stay together for the children’.. Noooooo. You don’t sacrifice YOUR life for the children. Again that is Your choice, but its not one I would encourage or condone.

“They’re being selfish’ because they’re breaking the marriage up. No.. they’re putting themselves and the children first. As said previously, you can’t keep a marriage together thats broken. Its not fair on Any of the parties, INCLUDING the children.

I have apologised to my kids for the to’ing and fro’ing they had between their dads house and mind. However some 20 years since our marriage split, my ex and I are Very different people. We have fundamentally different ideas about life etc. Im very happy for him, he has a partner whose hes been with for several years. However, whilst I don’t have regrets, I do regret not having a long and happy marriage. I would loved to have had that. Although I do notice, I find it hard to ‘commit’ to anything. I wonder if thats part of my childhood.

Of course, ideally when your relationships breaks down, you stay friends. I’ve love to hear how many people have managed this. Sadly my ex and I Can be cordial, however ironically thats a bit of a rollercoaster too !! Sometimes we are, sometimes not so.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Do you believe in ‘Til Death Do Us Part’ at all costs?




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