My Stories

Would you be the Messenger?

Several years ago, I discovered that a ‘friend’s’ (yes I use the term lightly now) man was playing around.

Im someone who is passionate about people. Passionate about people I care about. I Love people.. I guess I’ve been hurt and betrayed in my life, I don’t like to see anyone else go through what I went through.

It wasn’t a hard decision for me to make. Sure I made some mistakes in the way I handled it, however I wouldn’t change what I did.

In short, I told my friend (others knew but chose not to say anything) and the mistake I made, I told her who had told me. Of course as they say ‘The messenger always gets shot’… I was metaphorically shot.

Unfortunately the person who told me, was not impressed that I’d bought their name into it. Its not easy to tell anyone their man or woman is cheating and ‘How do you Know’ ‘Who Told you’ Is Always going to come up… however, I knew enough to KNOW it was true.. So I did what I would want done to me…

My friend, didn’t thank me, in fact, she ghosted me along with a load of ‘other’ friends and I became ‘persona non grata, an unacceptable or unwelcome person.

I noticed, my social life went quiet. This was just One bunch of friends of mine, however they were such a sociable bunch, my exclusion was very noticeable. I started to see photos of my ‘friends’ including one friend I thought was a ‘bestie’ out and about on FB without me. I was gutted. You know that feeling of hurt, sick to the stomach, your heart pounding. WTF was going on here?

I was even more hurt as the ‘friend’ I thought I was doing a favour for, had been a friend of mine from years ago. She had treated me badly years ago and I’d forgotten and forgiven and let her into my life and even introduced her to my friends. She was now the “In girl’ with my ‘friends’ and I was out ‘out girl’… I felt absolutely gutted, fuming, hurt beyond. So much for ‘friends’

I messaged a girl who had been what ‘I thought’ a ‘bestie’ for the last 10 years. She responded that she thought we ‘needed some space’. Space? I questioned? ‘Yeah’ she responded ‘I’ve been trying to get you for ten years’… ‘Trying to get me???!!!’

The words reverberated in my head and my heart ‘TRYING TO GET ME’.. WTF.. again I thought. My response was almost immediate ‘Then stop trying’ I said and cut her out of my life. As in unfriended her on FB!! along with all her ‘friends’ who had like lemins, followed her and hadn’t bothered with me either..

Incidently, I’d love to hear what you would have? Have you told a friend that their man/woman was messing around, or are you someone who would ‘keep out of it’…

It was a lonely time for a while after this. However I loved myself, however challenging that was, when friends ‘don’t get you’… I knew I didn’t ‘need or want’ friends who ‘didn’t get me’…

I really do believe Everything happens for a reason, and as if to proof the point, The Universe showed me, I did the right thing, as in the subsequent years, this ‘friend’ did other things, that in my book of ‘girl code’ you just didn’t do to people who were or ‘used to be ‘ friends, like get cosy with my ex.

Why am I sharing all this with you? Not to share my sob story no. It was to be one of the best/worst things that would happen to me.

After this happened, it pushed me even more outside my comfort zone..

Thats what we need, to be pushed out of our comfort zone… to grow, to realise ‘Hey I can do this’…

You see over the years, I’d done plenty out of my comfort zone.
…Moving to New Zealand on a whim.
Moving out of my Kiwi Bf’s house when we split and setting up with strangers in a strange country.
…Travelling alone…

However, even having done all that, still going out alone was a tad scary. However once I started, it was So exhilarating!! Going to the movies alone. Whilst 20 years ago, I may have felt like ‘Nigel No Mates‘ I felt the opposite.

I felt ‘My My god, here I am on my own going to see a movie/getting a drink/having lunch and I feel so good that I CAN and WILL do this’…

That was the beginning of me decided what I would and wouldn’t put up with.

You see in the past i’d put up with boyfriends telling me that ‘My friends will be around when you’re long gone’.. OMG and I stayed with that guy for a while after that.

I’d put up with boyfriends hurrying me out of the house the next morning, because they didn’t want their grown up kids to see me. They didnt’ see me as a long term relationship, they enjoyed the sex however. WTF…

I’ve come so far from the girl in the photo below, who wouldn’t say Boo to a ghost. Who was so timid and shy and would NEVER speak up for herself.

I have grown from strength to strength since being young and since this episode. Every thing we go through or GROW through, makes us stronger, wiser and have more belief in ourselves.

I CAN DO this..

I’d love to hear from you…



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